Evolution of Reflection on 9/11

I think you will find as you read through my posts that I tend to bounce back and forth between somewhat serious posts to what i hope you find as humorous posts.  I think this is pretty much reflective of a Widow's emotions - you laugh, you cry, you get pissed, then you cry and laugh again.  It is all a part of dealing with that New Normal and facing every day's new challenges - because you WILL find a new one almost daily, sometimes huge ones like dealing with insurance, estates, etc - or the little ones that send you over the edge like being at the doctor's office and staring endlessly at the line for "emergency contact" and wondering what the hell you are supposed to put on that line now...

But I digress...

It’s been ten years, so everyone has “changed” in some way since 9/11…jobs, houses, had kids, etc…and there is no doubt that we were ALL impacted by that day, if you weren’t, you were in a coma.  One of the things I have come to realize this week while thinking about the impending anniversary is how my experiences have shaped the way I see the anniversary each year, what I think about, how I feel, what I focus on…  

I was pregnant with my first daughter that day – she was due on Christmas Eve.  I can remember when Dave and  finally got home that night, we laid in bed watching the coverage…everyone was still trying to figure out who did this, why it happened, the extent of the loss…and all I could think about was my unborn child.  What kind of world were we bringing her into?  Were we about to embark on some major global war that would mean she had no future?  With the eyes of a future mom, I watched the events unfold.  I viewed the faces of the lost on 9/11 feeling such a deep sadness and anger that at times it was – I thought – the worst feeling one could experience.

Life progressed on for us, our daughter was born.  Dave was in a job he wasn't too happy with, was about to finish up his MBA, and was unsure as to what it was that he wanted to do next.  When the planes hit the towers and the Pentagon, he began to think about the military.  I believe he had a burning desire to do "something", as the attack on our country had chilled him to the core (as it did for most of us).  His desire for a solid career path could also be fulfilled by the military, so it was all a perfect fit.  Several months later, he was off to Basic Training, and went on to become an Officer (2nd Lieutenant) in the years to come. As a result, I viewed 9/11 not only through the eyes of a mother, but through the eyes of a soldier’s (and later, an officer’s) wife.  My sadness and uncertainty about the future was replaced somewhat by the fierce pride I felt that my husband and other men and women like him were defending our country.  I viewed the faces of the lost on 9/11 feeling that I could say that they were not forgotten, that I knew someone personally who was determined to fight for them.

In 2008, life again took a turn.  We had our beautiful little family; Dave had a successful military path in front of him, and a great civilian career as well.  But then he was taken from us on 7/5.  I became a widow.  My children lost their father.  My feelings when thinking about 9/11 have again morphed.  I now look into the faces of those lost and think of the ones they left behind.  Of course, I thought of that “before”, but not with the intense scrutiny I do now.  I view the faces of those lost on 9/11 and I see the widows, the widowers, the significant others, the children, the parents…all of those people that had to find that New Normal.  

Why do I write this?  Because I want people to think, and view their world from others’ eyes.  I want people to stop on 9/11/11 and reflect.  Pray for those who were lost, those who were left behind, and those who fight the fight to assure nothing like this happens again.  Think about how you have grown and perhaps changed in the last ten years.  But don’t stop there. Take the day to do something with those close to you, show how you appreciate them.  Share your "where you were" stories with your kids (just like our parents did about when Kennedy was shot, etc.)  Because no matter what the cause – terrorist attack, motorcycle wreck, cancer, heart attack, or just old age…we ain’t here forever, people.  Make every second count.